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- We sign with IAN adoption agency...which includes about 10 forms to complete and notarize.
- Begin the homestudy process. Despite what you might think, this has surprisingly little to do with our home! It's 3 meetings with a social worker who we get to sit and talk with for 6 hours or so and go over absolutely every aspect of our childhood, adolescence, marriage and parenting skills. Sounds like a good time, huh??! (Especially for someone who hates talking about themself as much as I do!) Luckily our social worker is super nice and easy to talk to, so it hasn't been too bad.
- In the meantime, we begin gathering all the documents we need for our homestudy as well as for our dossier. (Dossier is just a fancy French word that means "a bunch of papers" or something like that. It's what will be translated and sent to Ethiopia.) Along with the homestudy, the dossier also includes certified birth certificates, marriage certificates, notes from all of our doctors (kids included), criminal clearances, fingerprinting for FBI...the list goes on and on and on...and absolutely everything needs to be notarized. (You can imagine how much fun it is to try to convince E-trade to notarize a bank letter for us!)
- Once the homestudy is approved by us and the agency, it's sent in for state approval.
- The BIG step then is submitting our dossier to the agency. This is when we officially get a number on the waiting list!
- Our dossier is approved by the federal immigration agency and we are officially eligible to accept a referral of a child!
- Then we wait...and wait...and wait some more until we finally get The Call that we have a referral! (including pics, history and medical reports) They are telling be it'll be about a year, so I'm expecting 1.5-2 years. We'll see who's right...I'm hoping they are!
- Once we accept our referral, we wait (about 2 months) for a court date. We travel to Ethiopia and hopefully pass court the first go around, and our daughter will legally be our child! We'll likely be there about a week and then somehow say goodbye and leave her at the orphanage. {tear}
- I know you're going to ask...and the answer is I don't know what happens if we don't pass court the 1st time. The requirement to travel for court is very new. It actually starts in a couple weeks, so we'll see what happens as time goes on. (Side note: The travel requirement came about because there were instances of people coming to pick up their kids and then changing their mind after meeting them and abandoning them again. Adoption is irreversible in Ethiopia, so those kids can never be adopted again. Nice, huh??)
- We go home and wait for her visa to be approved (about 2 months) then go back to Ethiopia and bring her home!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Modus Operandi
So everyone wants to know how this whole process works...well, here you go! A nice, boring post that explains it all. (Well, to the best of my knowledge at least...so this is probably all totally wrong.) ;)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The Nitty Gritty
I know everyone has tons of questions...so I thought it would be helpful to do a little Q&A here, since I don't have time to personally sit down with each one of you!
So, pretend it's just you and me sitting down for a personal chat. Here's some of the questions that you've asked...and a few you've been thinking, but haven't had the guts to ask. ;)
Why Ethiopia, what happened to Russia?
As most of you know we started the adoption process in Russia a couple years ago. Then God blessed us with Brogan and we put the adoption on hold. Well, if you haven't seen the news lately...Russia isn't exactly the biggest fan of sending their kids to the US right now! It's a horrible, horrible situation and my heart goes out to all those that are currently in limbo, not knowing when/if their kids are going to come home.
Honestly though, we came to that decision long before any of that came to light. There are a bunch of reasons really, but it just came down to the fact that God wasn't leading us in that direction at this time. We both knew it didn't feel right, but the big question then was...if not Russia, where?
Well, when you start going through the countries that do adoptions with the US...then narrow it down to ones that don't care that you already have 2 kids at home, allow young children to be adopted outside of the country, and don't have a 3-5 year wait list...you really aren't left with many options.
For us, it came down to Ethiopia or Columbia. Steve wasn't crazy about spending 4-6 weeks in Columbia. (Yup, that's how long you have to stay!) I tried to convince him that Lonely Planet says it's the place to go now...provided you stay within certain city limits...but he wasn't buying it. In researching Columbia I was intrigued and thought it sounded like a possibility. THEN, I started researching Ethiopia and watching adoption videos and reading blogs...and before I knew it I was sobbing. My heart was so incredibly drawn to those kids and I knew there wasn't really an option anymore. Then I just waited (not so patiently at times!) for Steve to come to the same conclusion. I didn't let him know I'd already decided, since I wanted this to be something we both wanted independently as well as together. It's so calming to know that God was leading us in the same direction.
Coincidentally, the day we turned in our application for Ethiopia is the same day all this stuff came out about Russian adoptions. Thanks for the extra confirmation God!
What age are you adopting?
We'd like to maintain birth order, so we're requesting under 12 months. She'll likely be closer to the 12 month end of the spectrum, but we'll see!
How does the whole process work?
This is a pretty big question, so I'll do a whole nother post just for this one. It'll likely be 18-24 months before she comes home though.
How much does it cost? (Is that rude to ask?)
Um, no it's not rude. (Well, I don't think so at least!) I think it's important for anyone considering adoption to know that it is expensive...but totally doable. My best guess estimate is $30-$35k. (Note: this would have been about $6k less, but Ethiopia just started requiring parents to travel twice.) The good news is that Uncle Sam should refund about $13k and Steve's job should refund about $4k. So, it's not quite as bad as it sounds. Most people pay a lot more than $13-$18k for their cars, so I think it's a pretty good deal for a kid! (Okay, okay...just kidding.)
Anyway, Steve and I are planning to put together a cookbook filled with all kinds of amazing family recipes to raise just a little bit of money. So, get excited! (You don't want to be the only person who doesn't have Steve's famous jambalaya recipe do you??!)
The elephant in the room - Are you concerned about raising an African child in a very white family?
I'd be lying if I said we weren't concerned at all. From our perspective I don't think we have any issues at all with raising an African child as our own. However, when I think about life from her perspective...that's when it gets a little hazy. After all, we live in a very white state...and an even whiter city. Will she feel out of place? Will she resent us for taking her away from her home country? Will she be accepted by her peers? These are all questions that have gone through our minds.
We went back and forth on whether or not to request siblings so that she would have another person to identify with in the family. In the end, we decided to leave it up to God. We're thinking we will say that we'd be willing to accept female infant twins, if they become available. "But Kelly, you'd have to drive a minivan!" *gasp* Believe me, that is one of the first things that popped into my head when we started talking about siblings! Realistically though, the chances of twins is sooo small, that if it does happen it's definitely God letting us know she needs an African sibling. I would sacrifice my SUV...if that's what God really wanted. {smile}
So, back to the original question. I've already started trying to network with other local families that have/are adopting from Ethiopia as well. Hopefully we can have a little group of African kids that can grow up together, become friends and be able to relate to each other. Not to mention that she has some African cousins (from Liberia) here in Colorado! No matter how much we try to prepare, I think it'll definitely be a "learn as we go" type of thing. Whatever the circumstances though, it's definitely better than her becoming one of the statistics mentioned in the previous post.
I've heard some pretty bad stories lately, are you concerned about ethics in the adoption process?
Definitely! We really loved our old agency, but when we switched countries we also needed to switch agencies since they don't handle Ethiopian adoptions. So, the research process started all over again. There are sooo many agencies out there and sadly many of them have other things besides the best interest of the child in mind. After much deliberation we decided to go with IAN. They are a national not-for-profit agency who have gotten nothing but rave reviews (as far as I can tell).... and best of all, their headquarters is about 10 minutes from our house!
IAN works with one orphanage in Ethiopia called Sele Enat. One of my main concerns was how the children came to be at the orphanage and ensuring that neither the agency or the orphanage go out "looking" for kids. This does not seem to be the case at Sele Enat. From what I've gathered in my research, Ethiopian parents or guardians go to their local ward and let them know they have a child they would like to give up for adoption. After a couple court hearings, Sele Enat is contacted and they come to pick up the children. They never have any contact with the birth families.
In addition, while we are in Ethiopia we will be able to visit the orphanage and care center various times. We will also be able to visit with the birth parents, if they are alive and willing to speak with us. (In Ethiopia, many orphans are not true orphans...their parents just can't take care of them and survive at the same time and unselfishly want a better life for their children.) I can't even imagine what an amazing and heart wrenching meeting that will be...but one that is so important in ensuring the validity of our adoption. Not to mention how much it will mean to our daughter to see that video when she is older! So, I feel we're doing everything we can to ensure that our adoption will be an ethical one.
Well, that's all the questions I can think of to answer right now. I'm happy to answer anything though, so don't be afraid to ask!!
So, pretend it's just you and me sitting down for a personal chat. Here's some of the questions that you've asked...and a few you've been thinking, but haven't had the guts to ask. ;)
Why Ethiopia, what happened to Russia?
As most of you know we started the adoption process in Russia a couple years ago. Then God blessed us with Brogan and we put the adoption on hold. Well, if you haven't seen the news lately...Russia isn't exactly the biggest fan of sending their kids to the US right now! It's a horrible, horrible situation and my heart goes out to all those that are currently in limbo, not knowing when/if their kids are going to come home.
Honestly though, we came to that decision long before any of that came to light. There are a bunch of reasons really, but it just came down to the fact that God wasn't leading us in that direction at this time. We both knew it didn't feel right, but the big question then was...if not Russia, where?
Well, when you start going through the countries that do adoptions with the US...then narrow it down to ones that don't care that you already have 2 kids at home, allow young children to be adopted outside of the country, and don't have a 3-5 year wait list...you really aren't left with many options.
For us, it came down to Ethiopia or Columbia. Steve wasn't crazy about spending 4-6 weeks in Columbia. (Yup, that's how long you have to stay!) I tried to convince him that Lonely Planet says it's the place to go now...provided you stay within certain city limits...but he wasn't buying it. In researching Columbia I was intrigued and thought it sounded like a possibility. THEN, I started researching Ethiopia and watching adoption videos and reading blogs...and before I knew it I was sobbing. My heart was so incredibly drawn to those kids and I knew there wasn't really an option anymore. Then I just waited (not so patiently at times!) for Steve to come to the same conclusion. I didn't let him know I'd already decided, since I wanted this to be something we both wanted independently as well as together. It's so calming to know that God was leading us in the same direction.
Coincidentally, the day we turned in our application for Ethiopia is the same day all this stuff came out about Russian adoptions. Thanks for the extra confirmation God!
What age are you adopting?
We'd like to maintain birth order, so we're requesting under 12 months. She'll likely be closer to the 12 month end of the spectrum, but we'll see!
How does the whole process work?
This is a pretty big question, so I'll do a whole nother post just for this one. It'll likely be 18-24 months before she comes home though.
How much does it cost? (Is that rude to ask?)
Um, no it's not rude. (Well, I don't think so at least!) I think it's important for anyone considering adoption to know that it is expensive...but totally doable. My best guess estimate is $30-$35k. (Note: this would have been about $6k less, but Ethiopia just started requiring parents to travel twice.) The good news is that Uncle Sam should refund about $13k and Steve's job should refund about $4k. So, it's not quite as bad as it sounds. Most people pay a lot more than $13-$18k for their cars, so I think it's a pretty good deal for a kid! (Okay, okay...just kidding.)
Anyway, Steve and I are planning to put together a cookbook filled with all kinds of amazing family recipes to raise just a little bit of money. So, get excited! (You don't want to be the only person who doesn't have Steve's famous jambalaya recipe do you??!)
The elephant in the room - Are you concerned about raising an African child in a very white family?
I'd be lying if I said we weren't concerned at all. From our perspective I don't think we have any issues at all with raising an African child as our own. However, when I think about life from her perspective...that's when it gets a little hazy. After all, we live in a very white state...and an even whiter city. Will she feel out of place? Will she resent us for taking her away from her home country? Will she be accepted by her peers? These are all questions that have gone through our minds.
We went back and forth on whether or not to request siblings so that she would have another person to identify with in the family. In the end, we decided to leave it up to God. We're thinking we will say that we'd be willing to accept female infant twins, if they become available. "But Kelly, you'd have to drive a minivan!" *gasp* Believe me, that is one of the first things that popped into my head when we started talking about siblings! Realistically though, the chances of twins is sooo small, that if it does happen it's definitely God letting us know she needs an African sibling. I would sacrifice my SUV...if that's what God really wanted. {smile}
So, back to the original question. I've already started trying to network with other local families that have/are adopting from Ethiopia as well. Hopefully we can have a little group of African kids that can grow up together, become friends and be able to relate to each other. Not to mention that she has some African cousins (from Liberia) here in Colorado! No matter how much we try to prepare, I think it'll definitely be a "learn as we go" type of thing. Whatever the circumstances though, it's definitely better than her becoming one of the statistics mentioned in the previous post.
I've heard some pretty bad stories lately, are you concerned about ethics in the adoption process?
Definitely! We really loved our old agency, but when we switched countries we also needed to switch agencies since they don't handle Ethiopian adoptions. So, the research process started all over again. There are sooo many agencies out there and sadly many of them have other things besides the best interest of the child in mind. After much deliberation we decided to go with IAN. They are a national not-for-profit agency who have gotten nothing but rave reviews (as far as I can tell).... and best of all, their headquarters is about 10 minutes from our house!
IAN works with one orphanage in Ethiopia called Sele Enat. One of my main concerns was how the children came to be at the orphanage and ensuring that neither the agency or the orphanage go out "looking" for kids. This does not seem to be the case at Sele Enat. From what I've gathered in my research, Ethiopian parents or guardians go to their local ward and let them know they have a child they would like to give up for adoption. After a couple court hearings, Sele Enat is contacted and they come to pick up the children. They never have any contact with the birth families.
In addition, while we are in Ethiopia we will be able to visit the orphanage and care center various times. We will also be able to visit with the birth parents, if they are alive and willing to speak with us. (In Ethiopia, many orphans are not true orphans...their parents just can't take care of them and survive at the same time and unselfishly want a better life for their children.) I can't even imagine what an amazing and heart wrenching meeting that will be...but one that is so important in ensuring the validity of our adoption. Not to mention how much it will mean to our daughter to see that video when she is older! So, I feel we're doing everything we can to ensure that our adoption will be an ethical one.
Well, that's all the questions I can think of to answer right now. I'm happy to answer anything though, so don't be afraid to ask!!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Where?
In the country where our daughter will be born:
Over half of the population lives on $1/day. The average income is $100/year.
There are over 5 million orphans.
One in five children will not live to see their 5th birthday.
One in seven women die from pregnancy related complications.
The literacy rate for women is just 35%.
Almost 60% of women have been subjected to sexual violence.
One study states 85% of women believe their husbands have the right to beat them if they burn dinner, refuse sex or go out without their husband's permission.
72% of women are married by abduction.
Life expectancy is just over 55 year of age.
The cutest babies in the world are born. (Okay, I added that one...but it is true!)
.
.
.
.
.
.
Those are just a few of the reasons we have decided to adopt from Ethiopia!
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